


Strapped

by sanidine



Series: Letterkenny Cold Opens [2]
Category: Letterkenny (TV)
Genre: Canada, Dialogue Heavy, F/M, Gen, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Other Ships Not Mentioned in Tags, Squirrelly Dan's Sex Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-14
Updated: 2019-02-14
Packaged: 2019-10-12 07:19:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 699
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17463089
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sanidine/pseuds/sanidine
Summary: “You were down at the ice fishing derby with your pals the other day…”





	Strapped

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Ashling](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ashling/gifts).



> Chocolate Box Treat! I love Letterkenny, I love Squirrelly Dan, and I loved your prompts!

“You were down at the ice fishing derby with your pals the other day…”

\---

The temperature hovered steady at zero degrees with huge flakes of snow blowing in at an angle that was much closer to horizontal than vertical from the slate grey sky. With only a couple hours left until the start of the event the line from the registration tent still stretched most of the way back to shore, and if they squinted against the snow they could see that there were already pops of color spread out across the lake from all of the trucks and sleds and ice houses as everyone searched for the perfect spot to drill their fishing holes. Yes indeed, it was a great day for an ice fishing derby.

“It's a great day for an ice fishing derby.”

“Great day for an ice fishing derby.”

“Beautiful day for an ice fishing derby.”

“Lets me tells yous guys,” Squirrelly Dan said “this really takes me backs.”

“Back to what?” Katy asked, squinting out from under the hood of her coat

“Well, backs to when I useds to enters the fishing derbys every years.”

“Did ya now, Dan?” Wayne had no problem lighting a dart even with his bulky gloves.

“I did. And lets me tell yous, there's three types of snows at an ice fishing derbys. Whats on the grounds, whats flying through the airs, and whats in your nose.”

“Hmm.”

“You talking about hoovering schneef there Dan?”

“I ams indeeds Darry.”

“I still think we should be calling it schniff.”

“So Dan, you're telling me you've hoovered ice house schneef?” Daryl asked

“I've hoovered schneef off the back bumper of a deluxe Ice Castle Fish House.”

“Ever hoovered winner’s circle scneef?”

“I've hoovered schneef off the caudal fin of a thirty kilogram lake trout.”

“Have you ever hoovered ice auger schneef?”

“I've hoovered schneef off the ripper blade of a StrikeMaster Honda-Lite Power Master with a 35cc four-stroke engine.”

“Whose was that now?” Wayne asked

“Whose was whats now?”

“The StrikeMaster Honda-Lite Power Master with a 35cc four-stroke engine.”

“Oh, that woulds be Ash Roberts.”

“I didn't know Ash Robert hoovered schniff.”.

“He didn'ts, but he'd lets you hoovers it off his ice augers if you asked politely.”

“Why do they call him Ash Robert?” Darry asked

“Because that's his name, Darry.” Katy said

“Oh.” Daryl rocked back on his heels and spit out into the snow. “I thought maybe it was cause he never ashed his darts or something.”

“No Daryl, Ash is just the man's given name.”

“So… is Robert his last name?”

“Yes Daryl, given that is how names work in our culture. His name is Ash Robert, so his first name is Ash and his last name is Robert.” Wayne paused. “Though, to be fair -”

“To be faaair -”

“To be faaaaaaair -”

“To be faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaair -”

“To be fair. One time he tripped into a firepit when he woke up to take a piss in the middle of the night at deer camp, so we might have ended up calling him Ash regardless of what his parents intended.”

“Ash Roberts... is that Ivy Gonzales’ uncle?” Katy asked.

“Yep.” Wayne confirmed

“One time” Daryl said “I saw Ivy Gonzales out baling hay and I almost drove off the road and into the rhubarb.”

“I'd let Ivy Gonzales auger my ice.” Katy said

“Cans confirms.”

Everything went quiet for a moment as Wayne, Katy, and Daryl all stared at Dan. Then the soft shush of the snow was broken by the wine of an engine across the lake and everyone started talking at once.

“Wait, what?”

“Dan…”

“Dan, how many times do I have to tell you that it's impolite to kiss and tell.”

“No, Wayne.” Katy said “I wanna hear this. Dan?”

“Well, Ms. Katy. Its is impolites to kiss and tells...”

“It is.”

“...evens if theres wasn't much kissings from that positions…”

“You're out of line there Squirrelly Dan.”

“...I'm not sures Ivy would wants me tellings the world abouts our privates times…”

“Oh thank Christ.”

“... buts I believes the terms for it is 'pegging’.”

“Dan!”

"And it was a beautifuls experience!"

\---

“...great day for an ice fishing derby.”

**Author's Note:**

> I write everything on a phone, so hopefully there aren't any terrible autocorrect errors!


End file.
